The good news? I'm still planning on being a part of the second half. *fingers crossed*
So what happened? Well, my job got in the way again. You know, that 24 hour gig I've got where I serve as the center of two little universes? Yah, that.
It's funny, this job of mine. I've never done anything so messy, so exhausting, so taxing as this...being a mom. You picked up on that, right? This mom business is border-line slavery. But it's my job right now--forever, and I love it. I love it more than anything I've ever done.
There are so many things I love about being a mom, but I guess the thing that's most poignant at the moment is that I'm needed. I love that.
That's pretty selfish to admit and say out loud. But it's true. I remember being so awed and overwhelmed when my newborns would respond to me. Of course, this was mostly due to the fact that I was their food source, but still. I loved that they needed me.
My kids are still little, but beyond being the maker of PB&J's, I am not the only food supply around. They can and will do a lot things by themselves. But no matter what they'll learn to do independent from me, they need me (and they need their daddy, too, of course--but this post is about MY job. Not his).
My kisses magically cure all the boo boos. I have the power to exterminate monsters and scary shadows. And when they are sick--I'm freaking Florence Nightingale.
That's why I needed to stay home. Chaucer needed his Lady with the Lamp. Me.
Yes!
36 hours before I was to leave for New York, Chaucer had a hell night. He couldn't sleep, he was delusional, and he needed to lay between Matt, Me, and Bay Bay (Mimi's dog).
I'm pretty sure he said, "Mama, mama!" like four-hundred times in a four hour period. That's 100 times an hour! And I'm not even a math person!
I prayed one prayer a few hundred times as I struggled to comfort and relieve him.
"Should I to stay home? Are You trying to tell me something??"
I woke up with the dreadful knowledge that I'd have to leave him the next morning. How could I leave him knowing that he would ask for me one hundred times an hour and I wouldn't be there?
More prayers.
By afternoon it was crystal clear we needed to take him to the doctor. It was also crystal clear that I would not be leaving in the morning.
Sure enough, the little dude has a double ear infection. And sure enough, God gave me my answer.
Amazingly, we were able to get a ticket for me to leave on Saturday for only $180! So here I am. Doing my job.
It makes me question my own sanity, this job of mine. But it's mine, and I love it.
***

Oh, that picture! I can see why you couldn't leave him. Heart-melting! I'm glad you like your job; it sounds like you're doing it well. What a treasure!
ReplyDelete(But I hope you get to NYC at some point. It's fun!)
The feeling of being needed, wanted, and unconditional love that comes with being a mommy makes it all worth it :).
ReplyDeletehi from mk's
Right choice! You are a great Mom and wife as you care for his/your children. We are praying for all of you.
ReplyDeleteAunt Gloria and Uncle Ed
Thanks Aunt Gloria! I feel good about the decision. Coco's actually been acting kinda sick too.
ReplyDeleteI think we were created with the need to be needed. Being a mommy totally fulfills that desire--twenty fold.
ReplyDeleteI know. He's such a heart breaker! I'm leaving for NYC tomorrow morning and he's acting about 90% recovered. Hopefully by tomorrow he'll be 100%
ReplyDeleteSometimes we have to make decisions that are best for our children...hope all turns out great!
ReplyDelete